I'm Not a Hero
by Victory Tastes Like Chocolate
Summary: As children, Loki and Sigyn were best friends. It scared Sigyn's mother so much she fled Asgard to keep her daughter from the dark prince. Years later, on Earth, the two meet again, but their easy relationship is gone. Loki is every inch the person Sigyn's mother warned her he'd become: vengeful and violent. But she can't help remember the child he used to be.
1. Chapter 1

"I'll be the brave warrior," Thor said, grinning. He showed off the gap in his smile. Loki's brother had lost a tooth two days ago. He turned to Sif. "You can be the damsel I'm protecting from the monster."

Sif frowned. "But I'm always the damsel. Can't I be something else?"

Thor frowned, matching his friend's expression. "No. Because you're the girl. You have to be the damsel."

"Why don't you be the damsel for once, Thor," Loki suggested. "And Sif can be the warrior."

"Oooh!" Sif exclaimed. "Can't I be a warrior, Thor?"

"I can't be the damsel!" Thor protested. "I'm a boy! Enough of this, I'm the oldest. We do what I say. Sif, you're the damsel. Loki, you're the frost giant."

Loki frowned. He was always the frost giant. He wanted to be the hero for once. Just once, but he knew Thor would never consent to playing the bad guy. The closest he would get was fighting with Thor against make-believe monsters.

Suddenly Loki didn't really feel like playing anymore. "You guys go ahead. I think I'm going for a walk."

"Loki?" Thor asked, looking up.

Sif shook her head. "Fine, we'll play without you then, grumpy. Come on, Thor."

His brother hesitated for a moment, before turning around and going with the dark haired girl. "Come back soon," Thor said. "We'll save a place in the game for you."

Loki nodded, but he didn't really pay much attention. Soon his brother and Sif would be totally distracted by their game of pretend, and he could stand there for what seemed like hours before either of them noticed him.

He wandered through the gardens, not paying much attention to where he was going. He couldn't get lost and there was never anything dangerous around, not this close to home. There were too many people watching them: Father, Mother, Heimdall, and the guards standing watch around the castle.

A branch snapped above him, and someone screamed. He looked up just in time to see a girl falling from the branches. "Oof." He caught her in his arms like Thor caught Sif when he pretended to rescue her. He staggered under her weight, but managed to stay upright.

"Get off," the girl said, struggling so much Loki dropped her instead of setting her down nicely, like he'd been trying to do. She hit the ground and rolled away from him, popping up and putting up her fists. Loki stared at her, completely taken aback.

He had never seen this girl before, which meant she wasn't the daughter of anyone important. A servant maybe? She was younger and shorter than him, with long curly blond hair and brown eyes. And she was angry.

"If you ever carry me like that again, I'll knock your teeth out!" she said, moving her fists threateningly.

The young prince stared, confused. "But you fell! And I saved you!"

"I didn't ask you to save me," she said, abandoning her fighting stance and putting her hands on her hips. "So don't think I owe you anything." She turned around and started to walk away in a huff.

"Why would I want anything from you?" he asked, partly out of true curiosity and partly to make her mad.

She whirled, and he worked hard to keep from grinning at her angry face. "Oh? Got everything you'll ever need, do you? Never need anything from anyone, do you?"

He couldn't keep his face straight anymore. "Well, I am a prince."

If he expected a reaction, the one she gave wasn't it. Her face screwed up in pity. "Oh. That's kinda sad."

He frowned. "Why is it sad?"

"I have enough trouble sneaking away from just my mother. But you must have a whole army of people watching you," she said.

He did. "So?"

"Well, then you can never get away," she said.

"Why would I want to get away?" he asked, but he already knew the answer. There were so many times when he wanted to get away. Just disappear. Have some time that was only his for a while.

The girl looked at him like he was the dumbest boy she'd ever met. "To do things you're not supposed to do. But, I suppose, since you're a prince and all, you can do whatever you want." She turned to walk away again.

He didn't want her to go. He liked talking to her. She talked with him, instead of down to him or up to him or around him like everyone else. Except Thor, he reminded himself. He didn't know why, but most people avoided him. "That's not true," he said. "I can't do whatever I want. Not yet."

She turned around. "Then learn to sneak. You're all dark and stuff, you'd probably be really good at it."

Loki shook his head. "Villains sneak. I'm a hero."

"Heroes sneak too. They gotta," the girl replied. "If you're a hero, do you have a villain?"

He frowned. "What does that mean?"

"Every hero needs a villain. Otherwise they're not a hero, they're just a person," she said.

"I- no," Loki replied, frowning. In truth, he was always the villain so Thor could be the hero. But he saw her point. Thor always looked a lot more heroic fighting him than when they were fighting nothing together.

The girl's shoulder's moved just a fraction toward slumping, and he could tell she was suddenly embarrassed. "Do you think… I've got to go." She turned around and ran off on bare feet.

"Wait!" he shouted. She didn't wait. She didn't even slow. She just kept running. "Wait!" he said, running after her. "Wait, stop!" He was faster than she was, and she tried to throw him off by making sharp turns and putting trees in his path. But Loki wasn't thwarted that easily. "Hey!" he said, grabbing her arm as he caught up, "stop!"

She tried to jerk away, but he was stronger than her too, and she couldn't get free. She tried to run again, almost dragging him with her. "Why won't you stop?" he asked, and saw that she was trying really hard not to laugh. She lost control of her face when he looked at her and she just started laughing. He let go, ready to grab her again if she started off. "What are you laughing at?" he asked, utterly exasperated.

"You chased me. It was fun," the girl said, though giggles. It was kinda weird. Sif never giggled.

"What's your name?" he asked, realizing that he didn't know it.

"Sigyn," the girl replied. "I already know your name. It's Loki."

"Do you really have to go? Can't you play?" he asked. "You can be the princess, and I'll be the hero."

Sigyn made a face. "Princesses are boring. I'm the villain, and you're the her-"

"Sigyn!" someone shouted through the trees. "Sigyn! Get back here this instant!"

Loki whirled and pushed his new friend behind him. "Don't worry. I'll protect you." She pinched him in the side. "Ow!"

"Don't be dumb. That's my mother. I have to go," she said, running towards the shouting.

"I'll see you later?" Loki asked.

"Sure!" she shouted over her shoulder. "I'll be around here somewhere."

* * *

Sigyn creeped away from her mother early the next day, just after lessons. She ran up too the castle and sneaked her way in. The servants always knew where the royal family was, and she found Loki reading a book on a bench.

She walked toward him as quietly as she could, and, when she was close enough, shouted "BOO!"

He did not react.

"Loki?" she asked, worried he might be mad at her. He didn't move. "Loki?" she asked, her voice rising an octave.

"BOO!" someone said in her ear behind her. She screamed and whirled around to see Loki grinning.

Eyes wide, she looked from the boy behind her to the boy on the bench. "But…"

"Look," Loki said, turning around to look at the bench. "It's just magic, see?" He waved his hand and the bench boy went away. "I learned how to do that today." He sounded smug.

"Wow," Sigyn said, staring at the empty space. "Good for sneaking. Can you teach me to do that?"

Loki frowned. "I don't think so… I'm sorry."

"That's okay," she said. "I don't want to do the same thing as you."

He frowned at her. "Why not? What's wrong with being like me?"

"Nothing's wrong with being like you, except if I'm exactly like you. That's rude," she replied.

"Oh," Loki replied.

"What do you want to do?" she asked.

"Wanna go play in the orchard again?" Loki asked.

She shook her head. "My mother is there. Let's go somewhere else." Instinctively, Sigyn knew her mother must not see Loki with her.

"Um," Loki thought for a moment. "I think I know a place. Follow me." He grabbed her hand and they took off running down the hall.

He was much faster than her; she kept up only because he was tugging her along behind him. They rounded a corner and almost crashed right into someone. Someone tall.

Loki pulled up short. "Father," he said. Sigyn looked at her friend for a moment before looking up at the king. Her eyes felt as big as saucers, but she couldn't pull her face into a calmer expression. The king was enormous, with a grey beard and long grey hair that looked like it needed a brush. A gold eye patch covered the hole where his eye used to be, the one he lost for justice.

"Loki," Odin said in a surprisingly kind voice for someone who looked so fearsome. "Who's your friend?"

"This is Sigyn," Loki said. She didn't know what to do, so she briefly pulled her hand from Loki's to wave. Then she quick grabbed his hand again.

"Well, Sigyn," Odin said, smiling brightly at her. "I am glad to meet you. And where are you going in such a hurry?"

"I wanted to show her the east look out," Loki said. "Can I, Father?"

"Of course," the All-Father replied. "Be careful, son." Loki pulled on her arm and they were running again.

"What were you so nervous about?" Loki asked after they had gone a ways. "It's just Father."

"To you. To everyone else he's the king!"

Loki frowned. "So? I'm a prince. You don't get nervous around me."

"You're different," Sigyn replied. "My mother doesn't tell me stories about you."

"She will," Loki replied. "Someday."

Sigyn opened her mouth to reply, but then thought better of it. Instead, she changed the subject. "Are we really going to the looking tower?"

He grinned at her, big and wide. "Of course not."

* * *

Sigyn had been spending her extra hours with Loki for almost an entire month before she met Thor and Sif.

They were playing on the beach when someone shouted. "Hey," and Sigyn looked up to see an older, blond boy running toward her friend. "Brother!" he said, tackling Loki. He fell right through the doppelgänger. Loki, the real Loki, was behind her, tugging on her arm. "Let's go," he whispered. But Sigyn didn't move.

"That wasn't very nice," Sif said, her arms on her hips, glaring at the boy behind Sigyn. Sigyn recognized the dark haired girl from when they're mothers met up. And she knew Sif recognized her.

"That was awesome!" Thor said, getting up. Sigyn knew he had to be Thor, the other prince. No one else could call Loki 'brother.' "How did you do that?"

"Magic," Loki replied. Sigyn looked at him. He wasn't hiding behind her, but something about him had changed. He seemed smaller somehow, because his brother was here.

Sigyn put her arm around his shoulders. "We were playing at war. Loki was Odin and I was Laufey. Do you two want to play?"

Thor grinned. "Sure. I'll be Father and Sif can be Mother, and you and Loki can be Laufey and… and… a lady frost giant."

Sigyn shook her head. "No. You're joining _our_ game. So Loki is Odin and I'm Laufey, because we were here first. Besides, Queen Frigga didn't fight in the war."

Thor frowned. "Then who will I be?"

"Whoever you want. What about Heimdall? He's pretty fearsome," Sigyn suggested.

Thor agreed and Sif joined Loki's side as a lady warrior. Sigyn frowned at that, saying that there wasn't a lady warrior in the Great War, but Sif was insistent. The game was one of the worst ones Sigyn had ever played. It wasn't that it was three against one, that was easy. Sigyn kept getting mad because Thor kept giving the orders and Loki kept jumping to her defense when he was supposed to be fighting her.

"Thor!" Sigyn said when he gave the order to charge. "Loki is the general! He gives the orders! Play it right!"

"Sorry," Thor said, looking bashful.

Sif looked impatient. "Why don't Loki and Thor just switch places?"

"Because! Loki was General first!" Sigyn said, getting unreasonably angry with Sif. Didn't she that letting Thor be General wasn't fair?

"So?" Sif asked. "Loki doesn't mind. Does he?" She looked at the dark haired boy.

"He absolutely does mind!" Sigyn interupted. "It's _fairer_ if Loki's General!"

The older girl glared at her. "Oh? And who are you to speak for a prince of Asgard? You're the daughter of a commoner!"

"I'm his friend!" Sigyn shouted, stamping a foot. The girls were shouting now. "Why won't you let Loki be Odin!"

"Because Thor is better!" Sif shouted back. "Thor is a better Odin! Loki as Odin is-"

Sigyn slapped the older girl in the face.

Sif stared, shocked, at the short blonde, a hand to her reddening cheek. Then she pulled back her fist and punched Sigyn in the eye.

Sigyn's head snapped backwards and she stumbled, almost falling on her butt. Loki caught her, holding her upright. She could feel tears pricking at the edges of her eyes, and she couldn't stop herself from sniffling.

"Aw" Sif said, in a nasty, mocking tone that made Sigyn's blood boil. "Is the wittle girl gonna cry?"

Sigyn gritted her teeth and, despite the fact that she couldn't open her eye, launched herself at the older girl. She didn't get very far. Loki had her by the arms and pulled her back. Then he made doppelgängers. More than just one: dozens. Sigyn didn't even know he could do that. They all surrounded Sif, and the little girl looked terrified. Sigyn, held in place by the real Loki, was a little scared too. "Leave Sigyn alone," they all said, a loud chorus of Lokis. Sif's chin trembled, holding back her own tears. Sigyn wanted to tell her friend to leave the girl alone, but she couldn't find her voice.

"Loki!" someone shouted. The doppelgängers disappeared in a flash. "Sif! Thor? What is going on here?" The four children looked up to see Queen Frigga standing over them.


	2. Chapter 2

Many thanks to my new beta reader, Lufthexe! Everyone should go check her out stuff, especially if you want to read more Loki things.

* * *

The queen took them all aside one by one and got heard their individual stories. She began with Sif, then moved on to Thor, then Loki. Sigyn was last. She was scared, twisting her fingers together and shifting from one foot to another. In her mind, she thought of everything she might possibly say.

"Sigyn?" the queen asked.

Sigyn walked away from the others in the group, feeling as though she went to her doom. When she reached the queen, she tried to curtsy, but she didn't think she did it right. "Yes?"

"I hear that you began the fight," the queen said. Her voice was very calm; Sigyn couldn't tell what Loki's mother thought of the whole thing.

"That's true, ma'am." Was that the right thing to call the queen? "I slapped Sif." Sigyn's face screwed up in a frown. "But she was being mean!"

"If Sif was being ignoble," the queen replied (Sigyn didn't know what ignoble meant, but it probably wasn't nice), "violence is not the way to solve the problem."

Sigyn glanced up at Queen Frigga in surprise. "What? But… but that doesn't make any sense!"

"Hurting Sif will not stop her from saying things you disagree with, Sigyn. You must instead use words and respect to show her she is wrong." The queen smiled kindly at her. "Come now, I'll take you back to your mother."

"Can I say goodbye to Loki first?" Sigyn asked.

"Loki is being punished for misuse of magic," Frigga said. For the first time, her voice sounded strained. "You can see him tomorrow." The queen began walking in the direction of the little house Sigyn shared with her mother.

"Am I going to get punished too?" Sigyn asked.

"That is for your mother to decide."

"I am going to get punished too," the little girl said, pouting. She walked along a little behind the queen. "Ma'am?" she asked, confused about the idea of using words and how that fit into the stories of Odin and his mighty wars.

"Yes, Sigyn?" the queen asked over her shoulder.

Sigyn frowned and worried her lower lip. She couldn't figure out how to ask the question she wanted to ask, so she just shook her head. They walked rest of the way through the orchard to Sigyn's house in silence.

Mother was working in the garden. "Your Majesty," she said, dropping into a far more graceful curtsey than Sigyn could ever manage. "What's my daughter done now?"

"She protected my son against the hurtful words of another child," the queen said. Sigyn's mother looked at her little daughter in confusion for several moments. Sigyn bit her bottom lip some more, and watched the thoughts flicker across her mother's face. Her mother thought it was Thor and was wondering who would make fun of the golden prince.

Sigyn saw the exact moment her mother realized the truth. The queen saw it too. "We should talk," Frigga said, an icy seriousness in her voice that made Sigyn glance up at the woman in fear.

"Sigyn, go to your room," her mother said.

"Perhaps your daughter should stay," the queen suggested.

To Sigyn's utter surprise, her mother's face contorted in a stubborn frown. "With all due respect your Majesty, I'll decide what to do with my own daughter. Now. Sigyn. Go to your room."

Sigyn went. She didn't want to be anywhere near her mother when the woman used that tone of voice.

She hurried into the house and sat on her bed for a few moments. Then she crept to the window and looked out at the two women in the garden. She couldn't distinguish the words they were saying through the glass, but she could see them clearly. They were arguing, that much wasis clear. Her mother had completely lost her temper and was gesticulating wildly. The queen, in response, seemed to have grown several inches taller, and, though her expressions were icy, her face was getting very red.

Sigyn watched as the argument raged on. It felt like it went on for hours and the girl had never been so frightened in her life. She was in awe of her mother. The meek gardener had somehow found the courage to stand up to the All-Mother! But what in the Nine Realms could they arguing about? The proper way to weed a garden? And what did any of that have to do with her?

The queen spotted the little blonde in the window, and she ducked quickly. Maybe the queen would be so busy arguing she wouldn't mention Sigyn spying on them. She hurried back to her bed and sat on it as innocently as she could manage.

For several long moments, nothing happened. Then the front door slammed shut with such force Sigyn was sure it must have broken something. "Young lady!" her mother shouted, as she had been shouting in the garden. Sigyn winced away from her mother. "I cannot believe your stupidity! Do you make it your life's pursuit to vex me?" she demanded, so angry spittle flecked from her lips and onto Sigyn's coverlet.

Too frightened to speak, Sigyn only shook her head, drawing her legs tight to her chest. She peered at her mother over her knees. The normally mild mannered woman was seething with anger, and Sigyn didn't understand why.

"You will never see Loki again! Do you hear! I will make sure of it!" Sigyn's mother said.

This shocked the girl. She stood on the bed. "But you can't-"

"He is evil! Mark my words girl, that boy is evil and no good will come of him!"

Sigyn's temper flared. "How can you say that!" she yelled at her mother with equal savagery. "He's royalty! A prince of Asgard! And he's just a kid!"

"He came back with Odin from Jotunheim! He's jotunn filth and no good will come of him! Make no mistake, that boy's sired by monsters!"

Sigyn stared at her mother, taken back. Loki, a frost giant? That wasn't true. It couldn't be. Why would Odin raise a frost giant? "That's not true," she said quietly.

Her mother took several deep breaths and finally managed to calm herself down. "I'm afraid it is dear. We all know it, those of us that lived through the war. It's not spoken of, but we all know. You're not to come out of your room until I say you can. And you get no supper either, as punishment for your antics." She took quite a few more deep breaths, and finally seemed to return to that mild mannered gardener Sigyn remembered. "I'm only trying to protect you." Then her mother turned around and walked out, locking the door shut behind her.

Sigyn found she was shaking. She collapsed in a ball on her bed and hugged herself tight. "What was is wrong with the world?" she whispered to the air. And then she started to cry, though she couldn't quite explain why.

She must have drifted off to sleep, because the next thing she knew her mother was shaking her awake and it was night outside. "Hurry up and put this on," her mother said, thrusting a black cloak in her arms. Sigyn did as she was told, bewildered. Her mother had in her arms a large basket covered with cloth and similar black cloak around her shoulders.

"What's going on?" she asked, but she was shushed instead of answered.

Her mother hurried her daughter out of the castle and down to the Bifrost as fast as she could. Sigyn had never been on the rainbow bridge before and couldn't tear her eyes away from her feet as all the colors rushed ahead of her.

Abruptly, her mother pulled them to a stop.

Sigyn looked up to see the legendary Heimdall standing before her, even bigger than she thought he would be. She stared at him with an open mouth.

"My daughter and I are leaving Asgard, and you have no right to hinder our journey, Gatekeeper," her mother said. Sigyn looked up at her mother. Leaving Asgard? Leaving Asgard and going where?

"And where are you going?" Heimdall asked.

"Midgard."

Sigyn looked between her mother and the Gatekeeper in bewilderment. Midgard. "When are we coming back?" Sigyn asked as Heimdall led them into the big globe thing.

Her mother's face was hard. "We're not."

"What?"Sigyn gasped and started. "No. No! NO!" She tried to struggle out of her mother's grasp but it was as hard as iron. "But I didn't even tell anybody goodbye! Mother! Mother please!" Sigyn began to cry, reaching and reaching back behind her toward the castle, toward home. "Please! Please! NO! Please!" Sigyn went from crying to screaming. "PLEASE!"

She continued screaming when Heimdall activated the Bifrost. When they found themselves on Midgard, Sigyn screamed still. She did not stop until her throat was raw and no sound could come out of it at all. Then she wept silently.

It took Sigyn quite a long time to ever smile again, and her relationship with her mother was never the same.

Sigyn's mother did not linger long where Heimdall had placed them. Midgardians there (they called themselves Geats), thought her kind were gods, and Sigyn's mother wanted to avoid all notice. They sailed across a stormy sea to a wet and rainy island.

They were followed. Barbaric Germanic tribes the natives called Angles and Saxons invaded the land and drove it's people, including Sigyn and her mother, to a small corner of the island that became known as Wales.

In the year 1065, some fanatic Welshmen of some religion or another killed her mother. Up to that point, Sigyn never paid much attention to whatever myths and legends Midgardians were constantly making up. The death of her mother taught her the practicalities of learning such foolishness.

For several months after her mother's death, Sigyn prepared to travel to the spot where Heimdall had put them all those years ago, and attempt to ask for passage back into Asgard. She did not get very far. An invading army of Normans impeded her voyage slightly.

She made it back to the country of the Geats in the year 1083. Though time had erased the mark of the Bifrost, Sigyn knew she was in the right place. It was burned painfully into her memory. "Heimdall," she said. "Return me to Asgard."

Nothing happened.

"Heimdall!" she shouted. "I _need_ to go back to Asgard!" Heimdall did not answer her. The Bifrost was closed. "Please," she begged, tears threatening to spill out the corners of her eyes. "Please Heimdall. I just want to go home."

She stayed in that clearing for a fortnight, but Heimdall never answered her calls.

Sigyn spent the next several thousand years traveling Midgard. She made a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, explored the new things in Renaissance Italy, and traveled back to England to see the coronation of Queen Mary. She stayed in England to watch the coronation of Queen Elizabeth, and, in the process saw the very first performance of Shakespeare's Henry IV.

She left England to live in France in 1599, just before the death of Henry II. She stayed there until 1715, just after the death of Louis XIV. Bored with Europe, she sailed to the New World.

As Sigyn explored the exciting new continent, and she finally came to terms with the idea she would never be going back to Asgard. In 1814, she met and fell in love with a silversmith in New York. He proposed, but Sigyn could not accept. She knew that he would age and die so quickly, compared to her. As he got old and she stayed young, he would begin to view her with fear and contempt. They were both better off without that life. With her heart broken for the second time in her life, she left the States and moved to Belgium.

War had always been a part of her life. Even in Asgard, they were always ready for battle. Here on Midgard, humans fought with each other constantly. But in 1914, everything changed. Sigyn, sometimes feeling like she was in the middle of everything, saw more and more dead boys, killed so senselessly. And then it happened all again, within one century. On VE day, Sigyn was so sick of Europe she moved once again, and ended up in Buenos Aries. But even after these great wars, Midgard didn't stop fighting with itself.

Sigyn viewed this constant warring with abhorrence. She immersed herself in novels and poetry, and developed a rigid morality based on the value of life and the individual. Under several pseudonyms, she collected literature degrees from several different colleges and universities and somehow eked out a comfortable life for herself on this alien planet. For the first time since she had arrived here, she was beginning to feel content.

And then… then Asgard came to Midgard. Sigyn stared with horror at the news feeds from Germany and New York as her old friend destroyed the lives of innocent people with a horrifying lust for power. Loki had become the monster her mother had thought him to be. Sigyn's heart quivered with sorrow, but at this point Sigyn couldn't even tell if it was broken or not.

* * *

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